Undue Attachment to Feelings
"Those who are committed to God only so far as they enjoy pleasure and consolation resemble those who followed the Lord, not to hear his teaching, but because they ate of the loaves and were filled. They are ready to say with St. Peter, "Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; and let us put up three shelters." But they do not know what they say. After being intoxicated with the joys of the mountain, they deny the Son of God and refuse to follow him to Calvary. Not only do they desire delights, but they seek illuminations also. The mind is curious to behold, while the heart demands to be filled with soft and flattering emotions. Is this dying to self? Is this the way in which the just shall live by faith?
They desire to have unusual revelations that may be regarded as supernatural gifts and a mark of the special favor of God. Nothing is so flattering to self-love. All the greatness of the world at once could not so inflate the heart. These supernatural gifts nourish in secret the life of the old nature. It is an ambition of the most refined character, since it is wholly spiritual. But it is merely ambition, a desire to feel, to enjoy, to possess God and his gifts, to behold his light, to discern spirits, to prophesy--in short, to be an extraordinarily gifted person. For the enjoyment of revelations and delights leads the soul little by little toward a secret coveting of all these things.
Yet the apostle shows us a more excellent way, for which he inspires us to a holy ambition: it is the way of love which seeks not its own. It is less in search of pleasure than of God, whose will it longs to fulfill. If this love finds pleasure in devotion, it does not rest in it, but makes it serve to strengthen its weakness...
We must not be always children, always demanding heavenly consolations...Our early joys served well to attract us and to draw us away from unrefined and worldly pleasures by others of a purer kind. They led us to a life of prayer and commitment. But to demand to be in a state of constant enjoyment takes away the feeling of the cross, and to live in a fervor of devotion that continually keeps paradise open--this is not dying up the cross and becoming nothing.
This life of revelations and sensible delights is a very dangerous snare if we become so attached to it as to desire nothing more....for they mistake the portico of the temple for the very sanctuary itself. They desire the death of their unrefined external passion, so that they may lead a delicious life of self-satisfaction within. Hence, so much infidelity and disappointment occurred even among those who appeared the most fervent and most devoted. Those who have talked the loudest of death to self, of the darkness of faith, are often the most surprised and discouraged when they really experience these things and their consolation is taken away.
...We think, while the pleasure lasts, that we shall never desert God. We say in our prosperity that we shall never be moved. But the moment our intoxication is over, we give up for lost...Naked faith alone is a sure guard against illusion. When our foundation is not upon imagination, feeling, pleasure, or extraordinary illumination; when we rest upon God only in unpretentious and plain faith, in the simplicity of the gospel receiving the consolations which he sends, but dwelling in none of them; when we abstain from judging and ever strive to be obedient, believing that it is easy to be deceived and others may be able to set us right--in short, always acting with simplicity and an upright intention, following the light of the faith in each present moment--then we are indeed in a way not easily subject to illusion.
...The author of My Imitation of Christ (Book III) tells us that if God takes away our inward delights, it should be our pleasure to remain pleasureless...It is our impatience under the trial, the restlessness of a pampered and dainty nature, a search for some support for self-love, and a secret return to self after our consecration to God. O God, where are they who do not stop in the way? If they persevere to the end, they shall receive a crown of Life!"
Well, at any rate, I was feeling that I depended upon peace and joy to motivate me to press on. I guess, since becoming saved and tasting of the goodness of the Lord, I thought that life would always be good. And I guess, as a general rule, it's always harder to keep motivated when one doesn't feel so good. So this definitely encouraged me to take a hard look at my motivations, and what I was really seeking after, but also to be encouraged, that through it all, we have to keep on pressing on!
Ephesians 6
13Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.
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