When Feeling a Bit Lost

I've been reading through Job lately, and this book called Our Ultimate Refuge by Oswald Chambers, which talks about Job and his struggles. As I was reading Job, one thing that hit me was that maybe all this time I was reading the book of Job wrong. I was kind of going through it with an intellectual perspective, and you can probably get something out of Job from that, but I missed the very human aspect of it. The words that Job says aren't from someone who's just reflecting on life from a comfortable chair, but they're coming from someone who is going through unbearable suffering and sorrow and confusion.

So basically in Job 22, one of Job's friends is saying that "you're wicked, you need to seek God, and then good things will be restored unto you," and in Job 23, Job replies. I haven't suffered noooowhere near the amount that Job suffered, but something he says is comforting to me.

Job 23:3; 8-10

Oh that I knew where I might find Him,

That I might come to His seat!

Behold, I go forward but He is not there,

And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

When He acts on the left,

I cannot behold Him;

He turns on the right, I cannot see Him

But He knows the way I take;

When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

You know, there are times when I just don't feel God. I know I should, I know His love ought to be enough, and I know that His love is the greatest thing ever, but there are times of confusion and darkness. One of the worst things to feel during those times is...is there something wrong with me? Why am I not feeling that way? Am I just lost in my sin, have I fallen from God, what's going on? I think maybe it could be sin and stuff like that, but sometimes it's not anything like that at all.

What I get from Job in these few verses is that, sometimes God does seem distant--you know, not that He is or anything. Sometimes we're looking for Him, and for some reason we just can't seem to find Him at all. Sometimes when we cry out to Him in prayer, it seems like He delays. I think that's normal in a Christian's life, or well, I think it happens, so if that's something anyone is feeling--I feel that way too. But yeah, just like Job, I believe that deep down inside, past all the pain we might be feeling, or the confusion about why God doesn't seem to be saving us right now, we hold onto our trust in God. We know, deep down, that God is good, that God is loving--and that maybe the circumstances around us just don't seem to make sense to us, but we hold onto God like nothing else, waiting for the day when everything will make sense--like it did for Job.

Job 13:15

Though He slay me,

I will hope in Him...

Serving Continued

Hello!

Anyway, so over break I was just thinking about a phrase that was kind of thrown around a bit, "joy in serving," and I wanted to really see the Biblical basis for that phrase, and for serving in general. Serving was a personal struggle for me this past semester because there were definitely times I felt tired, or felt like I was serving too much, and so the question became--is tiredness just something I'm supposed to press on through or am I serving in the wrong way? So I meditated on serving for a bit, trying to think about various Bible passages that talked about serving, what it meant, what it looked like practically, but something that really helped me was a sermon by John Piper entitled "How Not to Serve God in Giving and Sending."

He first went over how we are not called to serve God--we're not called to serve God as if He needs it, Jesus came to serve, and don't look back to past grace and try to make up for it (in either the spirit of debt or the spirit of gratitude) (he referenced Acts 17:25, Mark 10:45, 2 Corinthians 9:8 for this portion).

His main point was that instead of looking back to past grace, we need to look forward to future grace given to us through prayer. He basically said that each thing we do, each bit of "service," we need God's grace at each moment to enable us to do it. Basically, God is not looking for someone strong enough to work for Him, He is looking for someone weak and dependent enough that He can work through. One verse that Piper mentioned was 2 Chronicles 16:9

2 Chronicles 16

⁹ For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

1 Corinthians 15:10

¹⁰ But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

One of the most useful things in his sermon, though, was how he practically applied it in his life. I mean, it's one thing to say that we need to rely on His future grace given to us through prayer, but how do we implement something like that in our daily lives? He gave this acronym: APTAT

Admit that without God you can do nothing

Pray--ask God for help

Trust a particular promise--store them up in your heart (one that he uses a lot was Psalm 31:19)

Act--work, do

Thank Jesus for helping

Anyway, it's been pretty cool. APTAT is pretty helpful for me, haha, even though as an acronym I feel like it's so weird--it's not like it spells anything.

SIDE NOTE: For those who don't know! We can download any book by John Piper online through his website Desiring God.

Here's his sermon: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/how-not-to-serve-god-in-going-and-sending

Our Ultimate Refuge by Oswald Chambers

Jesus, who's lot with us was cast,

Who saw it out, from first to last...

Would I could win and keep and feel

That heart of love, that spirit of steel.

-Wilfred Brinton

Letting God be God

You might not always feel like Christ dwells within you. A lot of days, I feel like this flesh is just a house for me, myself and I. However, we can't go by feelings. We have to go by what we know from the Bible, and what we know is that God's abiding presence isn't something that's only real when we think about it. “In Him, we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28b). There is no place you can go to escape God. Author A.W. Tozer says, “He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts.”

“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10) is one of my favorite verses, because it reminds me that in this world of climbing, striving and dying for more, our best move is simply to be still and let God do what He does best: being Himself through you and as a result making you the most authentic version of yourself.

excerpt from "Organic Christianity: Living for God Naturally" by Jennifer E. Jones

How could I have forgotten?

Deuteronomy 4:9

Only give heed to yourselves and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life but make them known unto your sons and your grandsons.

I've found recently that I have forgotten so much about my experiences with God. With all of the trials that God has brought me through and all the comforts and blessings that He has given me! I thought that I would always remember--that once God had personally revealed Himself to me through my life, I would be cool with that forever. But I think that it does take diligence to keep on remembering all the great things that God has done for us--that sometimes when trials and distractions come, that it is amazingly easy for us to forget the goodness of our God.

I'm glad that God is able to restore the joy of His salvation to me! And I'm going to write this in my journal, and I hope I remind myself everyday of what great things He has done.

Vision.

The past couple of days I thought about what "serving" means, and what 'joy in serving' means, and if the word 'serving' should be emphasized or thrown around so much.

We shouldn't (just) think of serving the fellowship as: I'm helping out with these responsibilities or these things that need to get done. Otherwise we'll just take up little projects here and there, and be doing all these things, thinking that we're helping out.

Mary and Martha: Jesus said that Mary chose the more important thing.

I think a lot of people don't see behind the literal story/incident of Mary and Martha. They just see it as: one did stuff and one sat in the presence of Jesus. And people start saying things like "there needs to be a balance between Mary and Martha". They say things like that because they are trying to be practical and they know God hasn't called us to not do things either.

But the emphasis, as always, is on the heart of both women. It's their focus, their motivation, where their energy is coming from, why they're doing what they're doing. From the story, you can get a sense of where Mary's heart is. You can imagine when Mary is cleaning her room, she is singing worship songs in her heart while cleaning, or she is thinking about Jesus or how beautiful God is or something. She is so in love with and consumed by Jesus that when she serves, she is doing it for Him and thinks of Him, not seeing it as something that needs to be done or that she is helping people out, but really just serving the Lord Himself.

When we serve, we must remember our vision--our personal vision--what God has personally called us to do this semester on this campus. Every little project we take up could be related to that vision. And sometimes we have to say no. We have to be okay with not helping others out, if we feel that God isn't calling us to that. Often we feel compelled to fill in where there is a need, but God's ways are different. Maybe if you didn't fill in, the fellowship would change the way things are done, or rethink certain things.

So, when we say "serving", do we mean serving the fellowship, serving the Lord, serving others, or perhaps all of the above? And also, when we say that we must rest from serving, we really mean that God has not called us to serve in every opportunity that we have taken up. We never really rest from serving, if my definition of serving is correct. We serve others when we love them, and we never stop loving others or loving and doing God's commands. But yea, this paragraph is just some technical thoughts about definitions of words and phrases. Not as important as the rest.

Hope this is some food for thought.

"Thus the very hour of disillusionment with my brother becomes incomparably salutary, because it so thoroughly teaches me that neither of us can ever live by our own words and deeds, but only by that one Word and Deed which really binds us together—the forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ."

--Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The Gospel according to Jesus

Every Christian knows what the gospel is: The good news that Jesus, son of God, came to die for our sins on the cross and resurrected so that He has conquered death and we may now enter into His life and be counted righteous. And of course, everyone has seen the bridge diagram:But is this all? Is the whole scope of the gospel simply about one's path into eternal life? Is there more? The gospel that we so commonly know it came after Jesus' death. After all, it is Jesus' sacrifice that made the bridge in the above diagram. But what did Jesus have to say about the gospel before He died? There's the gospel according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, but what about the gospel according to Jesus? What exactly was the good news that Jesus brought, while still alive on earth?

¹⁴ Now after John was put in prison, Jesus came to Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, ¹⁵ and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.” - Mark 1:14-15

Whenever Jesus talked about the good news, He was clearly referring to the Kingdom of God. Most of Jesus' parables were about the Kingdom of God. So, it's clear that the gospel according to Jesus was the good news that the Kingdom of God has come.

What exactly is the Kingdom of God?
A kingdom is made up of a king and his subjects. So, the Kingdom of God is a kingdom where Jesus is the King and we are His subjects.
Jesus preached that the Kingdom of God has come already. He was calling people to come and join His kingdom by repenting and believing - in Him who is the King. To Jesus, spreading the gospel was spreading His kingdom by recruiting people to come and live in it.

So whats different about this Kingdom of God than any other earthly kingdoms? Why should one live in this new kingdom over others?
Earthly kingdoms are damaged by evil. There's corruption, murder, injustice, theft, broken relationships, disease, fear, hate, and many more symptoms of sin. We can attest, being in our world at this day and age, that things are not as they should be.
²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. - Romans 8:22
We long for a better world, to live in a place where pain and suffering do not exist. This place is the Kingdom of God.
The Kingdom of God is where Jesus rules with mercy, justice, grace, and love. There is no pain nor suffering, everyone lives with selfless love. Its subjects follow the ways of its King and the kingdom reflects the glory of God. This kingdom is how the world should be.

I guess what I want to say is that the gospel encompasses so much more than just personal salvation. Through Adam's sin, all of creation was cursed.
²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. - Romans 8:20-21
But through Christ, not only us, but all of creation is reconciled to God.
²⁰ and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. - Colossians 1:20
So the gospel is not just good news for the individual, its good news for the world - that a perfect kingdom is here and now.

The next time we present the gospel, maybe we can do it a bit differently. Try the following diagram:
Designed for Good:
In the beginning, creation was designed for good. We had a perfect relationship with each other and with God (represented by the inner circle).
Damaged by Evil:
Then, through sin, creation was damaged by evil. The world is broken, our relationship with God is broken, and our relationship with each other is broken.
Restored for Better:
Then, Jesus came and died so that our relationship with God may be restored. By the cross, our relationship with each other and God is healed. This is where the bridge diagram can come in and add more detail. But it doesn't end here. After all, the world is still damaged.
Sent together to Heal:
Jesus calls us to go and spread His kingdom, to be fishers of men and come and live in His kingdom by following His ways thereby healing the world of the symptoms of sin. Of course, through all this, Christ is the center of our strength and power.
Notice:
We can't go from the second circle directly to the fourth. We will only fail if we try to heal the world by ourselves. We need to go through the third, which by Christ's power, we will be able to succeed in the fourth circle. The diagram is not so much man-centered (like the bridge diagram) than God-centered.


I came across all these ideas and the diagram from a book I recently read called "True Story A Christianity Worth Believing In" by James Choung

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart

I never really thought about that verse before:

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your strength.

I always knew of that verse, and always knew that was the most important commandment and what not, but for some reason I never really considered applying that to my life. I mean, I think that I've believed in God for a long time, and I got baptized when I was 14 and all, but lately I've just been discovering how lacking my walk with God has been. I'm rediscovering verses and theology that I've always known, but have never taken seriously.

Seriously, do we really think about what it means to love the Lord your God with all our hearts, all of our souls, and all of our strengths?? That's something just revolutionary!

This Thanksgiving break has been something of a rediscovering God and rediscovering myself. It's like a mid-life crisis kind of thing, and I was just questioning where I would go from here. I was questioning my faith, and it was hard for me because I had some pretty intense feelings that just seemed too much to bear. It had me questioning the things that I thought I had learned, and I didn't understand the root of these feelings. Didn't I learn to put my hope in God? Wasn't God my strength? Then why do I feel like I'm in such despair?

Well, I learned two things so far. Faith isn't depending on whether I'm feeling like I have faith in God. And two, I learned that I do not in fact love God with all of my heart, and all of my soul, and all of my strength. There are so many things in my life that I put above God--that seem so much more real to God. I

thought about some of the things that I was holding onto. I would say that, since James Cha came into share with CBS, I think that I'm pretty ready to give up my own professional aspirations (but we'll see how true that is in the future). I'd always reasoned that I could glorify God wherever I was, so I might as well be a professor, but I realized after James Cha shared that I have to glorify God, not in whatever position I am, but in whatever place God calls me to be--whether that's being a professor or a missionary. I think I was pretty fine with that, but honestly, the scariest thing ever for me was, what if God calls me to be single for the rest of my life =o. Am I willing to offer up relationships to Him? Am I willing to love Him above my love for that? Ugh!

I think we all struggle with different things, but I think it just means that we each have to challenge ourselves to see if there is something that we value above God. We are called to love God with all of our heart, and all of our soul, and all of our strength. The ability to love God doesn't arise naturally from our own hearts--but are we ready to give up our idols to God in prayer? Are we ready to want God to be our first love? I personally think it's a scary thought, but I know that there is no other choice.

Hopefully I do get married someday, but by committing it to God, it means that God is more important to me than that. And if it doesn't end up happening, God will still satisfy.

I feel like I should have learned this lesson a while back.

Jesus being tempted

Matthew 4. I never thought this was a weird passage until today.

We always say things like "See, look at this passage. Jesus was tempted too". But this is such a weird way to be tempted. All three temptations come at once and in this sectioned out chapter right after His fast. Satan actually takes Jesus up to the pinnacle of the temple before tempting Him--"the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple"... What does that even mean?--that the devil "took" Jesus somewhere. Why did Jesus even allow the devil to take Him somewhere? Also, verse 11, after the devil left Him, "angels came and ministered to Him". Angels came AFTER the temptation?? What? Where were they during the temptation?

And I guess for the longest time I couldn't figure out why turning stones into bread was wrong. Didn't Jesus multiply the fish and loaves of bread to feed the 5000? What's wrong with feeding himself? I mean, the fast is over. Just because man doesn't live on bread alone doesn't mean man has to go without bread.

Anyway, I have no idea why I never noticed how odd and mysterious/confusing this passage was. It's great though, to notice this. It shows just how many mysteries there are in the bible and how much we don't know. Will keep asking God to reveal these mysteries to me.

In the meantime, if any of you have ideas or things you've heard about this passage, please share!

North Korea Continued

A while back, there were a couple of people who shared a post on the Desiring God blog about a girl who was sharing her testimony and heart for North Korea. The blog post is here:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/weeping-for-north-korea?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+DGBlog+(DG+Blog)

And recently, someone independently shared with me the video of her testimony, so I thought I probably ought to share it with everyone else

http://conversation.lausanne.org/en/conversations/detail/11671

Psalm 85:10

Psalm 85:10

¹⁰Loving-kindness and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other:

"Jesus Christ, in the mystery of God's divine grace, was, as Wesley says, God "contracted to a span, incomprehensibly made man," in the incarnation. The heaven of heavens cannot contain Him. Yet He clothed Himself in flesh and blood and crept into a woman's womb. How God became man I do not know, but less, less, less do I know HOW DID HE BECOME SIN?"

"Do we really explore the possibilities of God?
What's the most exciting thing in your life? Don't answer me, answer straight up to God. Tell Him what is the most exciting thing.
That you become more knowledgeable, make more money, become more fit?
What is the most exciting thing to you?
Is it that day by day you slip in to Him and worship and adore Him?"

Leonard Ravenhill

Do you know Jaeson Ma?

Do you know who Jaeson Ma is? I first heard of him through one of his songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73kZ6wBoqTk

And then I listened to his testimony here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfFOrf1WiUI&feature=related

Do you ever wonder how the people we listen to got saved? God changes our lives and transforms them. I may not have been a drug dealer before, but God changed my life too. And so, with this thought, I wonder what kind of story people like John Piper or Chris Tomlin have

Prayer Answered by Crosses By John Newton

I asked the Lord that I might grow 
 In faith and love and every grace, 
 Might more of his salvation know, 
 And seek more earnestly his face.

‘Twas he who taught me thus to pray; 
 And he, I trust, has answered prayer; 
 But it has been in such a way 
 As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favoured hour, 
 At once he’d answer my request, 
 And by his love’s constraining power 
 Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel 
 The hidden evils of my heart, 
 And let the angry powers of hell 
 Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed Intent to aggravate my woe, 
 Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, 
 Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this? I trembling cried; 
 Wilt thou pursue this worm to death? 
 This is the way, the Lord replied I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I now employ 
 From self and pride to set thee free, And break thy schemes of earthly joy, 
 That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

Meaninglessness

“Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure. When you have exhausted that last dream and you find it leaves you barren or empty”

G.K. Chesterton

Proverbs 13:12

12Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Colossians 1

²⁷to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory

Matthew 25

Parable of the Talents

¹⁴"For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrusted his possessions to them.

¹⁵"To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey.

¹⁶"Immediately the one who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents.

¹⁷"In the same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more.

¹⁸"But he who received the one talent went away, and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

¹⁹"Now after a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them.

²⁰"The one who had received the five talents came up and brought five more talents, saying, 'Master, you entrusted five talents to me. See, I have gained five more talents.'

²¹"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'

So, this parable is pretty familiar, and I was just thinking about it the other day. At a recent conference, I was just challenged to find something new about Christ, instead of being complacent with the stuff that I already knew, and so I tried to think about this parable, and see if I could see anything I hadn't seen before. Because, sometimes, when I think I understand something, I just stop thinking about it at all.

One thing that I saw in this parable, that I didn't really notice before, was just that the servants maximum yield was only as much as the master gave them. For example, the first servant got 5 talents, and he used them to earn 5 talents, and same with the 2 talented one.

Like I shared previously, I've always been a very competitive person, and where I get really competitive is in the area of Christianity. For a good while, I think I tried to get ahead in this "race" because I wanted to be first and win the prize. I justified myself through verses like

1 Corinthians 9

²⁴Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.

And so whenever I saw a trait or quality in someone that I really liked, I would try to imitate that trait. If I saw generosity, I would want to be generous. If I saw leadership and boldness, I would want to do that too. A couple problems with that is--I'm still a sinner, so can't become what I saw as the "ultimate" Christian--and the essential motivation that I had was to basically collect as many gifts that I could and feel good about myself. But this isn't the main point...

The main point was, God gives us everything that we have, and the best that we can do is be faithful to that. What I kind of wanted was, if God had given me 1 talent, to run so hard and earn 10 talents. But then, what I would have earned at that point would be something that I had done with my own hand, and it would have given the glory to me. But, the truth is that the best that we can do (and it's a good best) is fulfill God's will for us. Looking at it now, it's not like we can surpass what God's will is for our lives--because it wouldn't be surpassing at that point, it would be degrading it because there would be the "self" mixed in.

Basically, the whole point of it is

What can I give to the Lord that I have not received from the Lord?

"His commands are His enablings" said by someone I forget

What it means to be strong

I've always tried to be strong in one way or another--always trying to be a hero. But life has thus far taught me about how weak I really am. It's so much easier to talk about strength when things are going well, and when my emotions are into it. When I feel joy from the Lord, it's easy to see how I would always want to keep on pressing on after God.

Lately though, when I was pretty bummed, my emotions were pretty much suffocating me. I reminded myself that I needed to be strong, that I really did want to keep on following God and serving God even if I didn't feel like I did at the time. And so I prayed a lot for joy and peace from God to keep motivating me onwards, but it didn't feel like I was getting any--my emotions were still haywire and all. Though I reminded myself that I needed to be strong and continue onwards, it was so hard because I didn't see any reason why.

When I prayed for strength though, God really answered that prayer. I didn't think I had the strength to do stuff, but God filled me with strength that I didn't have. It's nothing new in terms of ideas, but really learning what it means for God to be the strength of my heart--that's a big blessing.

1 John 2

14...I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

Psalm 70:5

But I am needy and afflicted

Hasten to me, O God

You are my help and my deliverer

O Lord, do not delay!

An encouraging thing I read in a book! Describes me a lot

Talking with God by Francois Fenelon

Undue Attachment to Feelings

"Those who are committed to God only so far as they enjoy pleasure and consolation resemble those who followed the Lord, not to hear his teaching, but because they ate of the loaves and were filled. They are ready to say with St. Peter, "Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; and let us put up three shelters." But they do not know what they say. After being intoxicated with the joys of the mountain, they deny the Son of God and refuse to follow him to Calvary. Not only do they desire delights, but they seek illuminations also. The mind is curious to behold, while the heart demands to be filled with soft and flattering emotions. Is this dying to self? Is this the way in which the just shall live by faith?

They desire to have unusual revelations that may be regarded as supernatural gifts and a mark of the special favor of God. Nothing is so flattering to self-love. All the greatness of the world at once could not so inflate the heart. These supernatural gifts nourish in secret the life of the old nature. It is an ambition of the most refined character, since it is wholly spiritual. But it is merely ambition, a desire to feel, to enjoy, to possess God and his gifts, to behold his light, to discern spirits, to prophesy--in short, to be an extraordinarily gifted person. For the enjoyment of revelations and delights leads the soul little by little toward a secret coveting of all these things.

Yet the apostle shows us a more excellent way, for which he inspires us to a holy ambition: it is the way of love which seeks not its own. It is less in search of pleasure than of God, whose will it longs to fulfill. If this love finds pleasure in devotion, it does not rest in it, but makes it serve to strengthen its weakness...

We must not be always children, always demanding heavenly consolations...Our early joys served well to attract us and to draw us away from unrefined and worldly pleasures by others of a purer kind. They led us to a life of prayer and commitment. But to demand to be in a state of constant enjoyment takes away the feeling of the cross, and to live in a fervor of devotion that continually keeps paradise open--this is not dying up the cross and becoming nothing.

This life of revelations and sensible delights is a very dangerous snare if we become so attached to it as to desire nothing more....for they mistake the portico of the temple for the very sanctuary itself. They desire the death of their unrefined external passion, so that they may lead a delicious life of self-satisfaction within. Hence, so much infidelity and disappointment occurred even among those who appeared the most fervent and most devoted. Those who have talked the loudest of death to self, of the darkness of faith, are often the most surprised and discouraged when they really experience these things and their consolation is taken away.

...We think, while the pleasure lasts, that we shall never desert God. We say in our prosperity that we shall never be moved. But the moment our intoxication is over, we give up for lost...Naked faith alone is a sure guard against illusion. When our foundation is not upon imagination, feeling, pleasure, or extraordinary illumination; when we rest upon God only in unpretentious and plain faith, in the simplicity of the gospel receiving the consolations which he sends, but dwelling in none of them; when we abstain from judging and ever strive to be obedient, believing that it is easy to be deceived and others may be able to set us right--in short, always acting with simplicity and an upright intention, following the light of the faith in each present moment--then we are indeed in a way not easily subject to illusion.

...The author of My Imitation of Christ (Book III) tells us that if God takes away our inward delights, it should be our pleasure to remain pleasureless...It is our impatience under the trial, the restlessness of a pampered and dainty nature, a search for some support for self-love, and a secret return to self after our consecration to God. O God, where are they who do not stop in the way? If they persevere to the end, they shall receive a crown of Life!"

Well, at any rate, I was feeling that I depended upon peace and joy to motivate me to press on. I guess, since becoming saved and tasting of the goodness of the Lord, I thought that life would always be good. And I guess, as a general rule, it's always harder to keep motivated when one doesn't feel so good. So this definitely encouraged me to take a hard look at my motivations, and what I was really seeking after, but also to be encouraged, that through it all, we have to keep on pressing on!

Ephesians 6

¹³Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

Always Pray

I talk too much.

I talk too much and act too little. I was in a group, asking for prayer about something close to my heart, and when someone asked me if I had been praying about it, I said, sort of, but not really. He told me, "What have you been doing? This is a serious topic, so get serious about prayer."

That's really the truth. I talk too much about how important prayer is, or how much I need prayer, but when it comes down to it, I'm not really serious about what I say, or else I would do something about it.

I wasn't serious about prayer. I would say the words, and the issues I would pray about would be important to me, but I wasn't serious about the words I would say. It was like they were dead--like I didn't really expect anyone to hear them. Kind of like I was just fulfilling a duty by saying the words--that God would hear anyway, I just told people I would pray for things here and there, so that's why I had to actually say them.

Lately, I've come to learn more about the difference between saying the words, and really praying. I'm serious about prayer nowadays--I believe that God is listening, I believe that I am pleading with God, and I believe that what I do is important and absolutely necessary, because I realize that I need to pray. Nowadays, prayer is all that I can do. I pray for God to help me, to fill my heart, and to teach me His comfort and His love. And I think that when we pray seriously, we come to a better understanding of all the things that we cannot do.

I used to think that I could force myself to do quite a few things, and it seems like I can. But somehow, praying about those same things makes me realize that I actually can't, and actually don't want to. The truth is that I can pretend to be able to do things--pretend to be strong. I can force myself to move on, live life.

But nowadays, when I pray, I pray with desperation. Because unless God makes things real to me, unless He makes Himself real to me, there is absolutely nothing I can do except pretend and try my best to live my life, but that's not real. Only God can truly save, and that's the reason why I pray.

Weak...again!

Just went to this retreat over fall break, and one of the speakers at the retreat said something like

"It is important to know how weak we are because then we know how strong we really are"

I guess, I've always been kind of a weak person, and I've thought that was okay and all. I'm not quite sure why I thought that was okay--but I guess it was just making excuses for myself. I thought it was kind of biblical to be weak, haha, but I think that the main thing that I didn't realize was that we're not meant to stay weak, but rather see our weakness, and then find the strength of the Lord.

Hence the verse, "Be strong and courageous," or something like "Act like men, be strong."

I believe that God has to take us to that place of ultimate weakness, however, for it to truly happen. And I don't think I'm there yet. It's true that I already see some of my weaknesses, and know that I'm not strong at all, but I don't really understand how desperate I really am, or helpless I really am without God. I know it inside my head, but I haven't really felt it in my heart.

When I realized this after the message, I was just praying to God to bring me to that point where I could fully depend upon Him because the more that I can depend and delight in Him, the better off I will be because He is worthy of my delight.

But something I think God told me in the middle of my prayers is that I'm not ready to be taken to that point of ultimate desperation. God will lead me there at some point in my life, and I'm sure it's not going to be very enjoyable when I'm actually there (the little moments of despair that I already go through are already not very enjoyable), but if God rushed the process, I would probably be destroyed before anything else.

I remember last year, when I prayed that God would break me because I felt like I wasn't really growing fast enough. I felt that my walk with Him had grown stagnant--I wasn't feeling a real struggle at the time, and so I thought it would be good to ask for Him to break me. And what I think He told me was "Later." I'd just recently gone through something at the time, so I'm pretty sure, looking back, that I wasn't ready for another struggle.

Sometimes I get impatient with my walk. I'm impatient by nature, and would like to be mature by now, and am frustrated at times by my own immaturity. But it's great that God's in control of my spiritual growth, and not me. He knows how fast I really ought to grow, and He knows what trials I can actually take at the time. All we have to do is obey Him at each step of the way.

And someday, I think that I will come to that point where I am like Jacob wrestling with God by the river, knowing that I am really done for. All my hopes, and all my dreams, and all my life are nothing, and there is nothing that I can do to save myself. And at that point, all I will be able to do is turn to God, and that is when He will fill me completely with His strength.

Faith and Works?

I had a big question about faith and works, and recently read a book that made sense to me about how it all fits together. It's strange, though. When explaining the roles of faith and works, I explained it in almost the same way the book talked about it, but some reason things clicked when I read the book, and though it's not like it was necessarily a new idea all together, things just seemed to make more sense in a new way. I've always found that strange, and I'm not sure why that happens.

I had 2 separate questions about faith and works. The first one was, we're saved by faith, so then why does it seem like most of the Bible seems to be about works, what we ought to do here or there. And the second question I had was, for this whole salvation thing, what part am I meant to do, and what part does God do? It seemed to me that God had given me some responsibility--to not just laze around until God did everything for me, but rather to work hard at becoming more "Christian." So what part is waiting for God to do stuff in me, and what part is my responsibility to do stuff?

Well, the book mentioned stuff about, when we believe in Jesus, we have a regenerated spirit. Kind of like we're a new creation, and that's another part where grace comes in. First, faith is itself a gift of God (Ephesians 2), so God does that. But believing in Jesus means that we are a new creation, that it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2). And so, when we do good works and stuff, it's not out of ourselves, but rather out of Christ that we do stuff like good works. And when we grow, it's not that our old self is changing, but rather that Christ is increasing, and we are decreasing. And so ultimately, that means that all glory belongs to God. God gives us faith to believe in Him, and God is the one who makes us able to become righteous, and that's kind of what He means by salvation. Salvation is not just the place we go after we die because of what we believe, but it's the whole being free from sin and its fruitlessness, it's becoming more like Christ and knowing God more and the joy that provides.

So anyway, about that question about what part we do and what part God does.

^{1 Corinthians 15}

¹⁰But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me.

I guess I still don't have a really straight answer on all of that, but it seems like God does everything, but we still have to work a lot at it, but it's not really we who are working, but God's grace that works in us.

Philippians 2

¹²So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling;

¹³for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

See, the question I had about what work I do was kind of asked out of pride. I can't control what God gives me--that's His decision--but if there were a part that I could control, then I wanted to try to work harder at it than anyone else, so that I could be better. But the question was also asked out of laziness. If God controlled everything, then that means I wasn't responsible for anything. But it's weird how God can nullify both sides at the same time. We're responsible for working hard and working diligently. Seeking to find God, pressing on to know Him, obeying His commands, but at the same time, we can't boast about something like this because it's not that I'm doing stuff, but rather God's grace that has given me the heart to do this, and to do them with joy.

1 John 5

³For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.

FREE BOOKS. GET THEM

Hey everyone,

You're in for a treat this time!

Ruth was the one who found this/shared this awesome website with me, but anyway, it's a website that sells audio of Christian books. Every month they have a free download of a Christian book, but the book is only free this one time EVER. This month (July! hurry!) they're giving away a free download of The Pursuit of God by Tozer (I think it may have been his best-selling book!)

https://christianaudio.com/free

I downloaded it. It doesn't seem dangerous or like a conspiracy (I had my suspicions)

God is Good

Romans 8

²⁸And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I used to use this verse to mean that I got what I wanted. That since God works all things together for my good (if I love God), then that means only good things will happen to me, right?

And sometimes, it's stuff that seems pretty reasonable. There are times when you ask for healing, times when you plead for a friend who's turned his back on God, times when you wish that you or the people around you didn't have to suffer so much. I don't want pain, and it hurts me to see the difficult situations of those around me as well. And as much as I pray for God to take away the sorrow, what I want the most is for everyone to understand Romans 8:28.

There are moments when things seem dark and you wonder why God isn't working, and then something happens and you see that everything turned out well in the end. I used to have that, and then say, ah-ha! God does indeed work everything out for good. But I think that I reversed the order.

What this verse means to me now (though I know I don't fully hold onto it as I should) is that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. What it means to me now is that when things are dark, and I don't know what good can come out of what's going on right now. When God doesn't seem to answer my prayers, or says no to something that means so much to me, and seems so reasonable to me--this verse tells me that God is good, and I have to trust that beyond all the things that are happening now.

I don't see the big picture, and I may never, ever understand what God's big plan is, or how He works things out for good, but even though I don't, the most important thing is to trust that God is good, that God loves me, and that God allowed this to happen for a purpose.

The verse isn't something that just corresponds with our experiences--it's something that's supposed to define our experiences. When we don't understand and are left in the dark, let's hold onto this verse, though honestly it's so tough. All we can do is pray to the Lord and pray that He would give us the faith to believe in His goodness.

Romans 8

³¹What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

³²He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

...

³⁴who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

³⁵Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

...

³⁷But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

³⁸For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

³⁹nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Rise of the Juniors

It's a scary thought to think that soon we're going to be the upperclassmen. Where has the time gone! I remember first coming to CBS, going over to Caleb and Richard's to play some Halo before I knew the people here. It's so funny to think about the way I viewed the junior class back in the day.

They seemed so distant--like older (at least to me) and I thought it would take a while for me to be like that. And here we are...we're about to become juniors, and it's a scary thought. Soon freshmen are going to be coming in, and who knows what they're going to expect. I know that I thought the upperclassmen knew so much. I expected them to be done struggling with a lot of issues, to have things figured out. When I got to know them more my sophomore year, it was funny to see a lot of the same struggles that I go through, though a lot of growth as well. I realized that we weren't so different in the end, just trying to love God more and trust in Him past our fears.

I guess there are a lot of fears for this coming year that I have because I know there are a lot of sins that I wish I had stopped struggling with by now. There's a lot of love lacking in my heart. And I wish I could be that great older brother with a lot of answers to life's questions.

In some ways, to be sure, I think we've all grown in God. We've experienced a few more things and can share wisdom on some stuff that we've gone through with the freshmen and the sophomores, but it's still a daunting task because we are all still so weak. And I guess that's the way it should be. We don't stop struggling with sin, we don't have the perfect prayer life, or the perfect trust in God, and it's probably still hard for us to know what God wants us to do. We probably don't change that much in 2 years. But the way that I have changed, and possibly you too, is actually pretty simple. It kind of seems small when I think about it now. I guess I kind of imagined that by now I would have like matured/grown to the point where I could fight off lions or something (something like that).
But instead, looking back, I think all that I can think of right now is that I've learned that God is greater, more powerful, good-er, and needs to be more important than I knew before. God's been slowly destroying a few idols in my heart that I didn't really think were all that big of a deal. And in their place, God has put more of Himself. I've learned what a joy it is to get to love and know God, and I've learned how great it is that God has placed us all in a body together.


After one felly dinner, I came to my conclusion that ultimately what CBS is meant to teach us is how good God's love is. To be sure, we as brothers and sisters fail each other, but there are times when you can really feel the love (I think), and it comes clearest to me during the felly dinner times. The love we have for each other is just a small portion of how good and how big God's love is for each one of us, and God is teaching us about His love in our fellowship, so that when we all leave from here we can help other fellowships to experience how great a blessing God has given us through the body-life. That we can show God's love to other people, and show them that it's more than just being in the same building together on a day or two or three, but being connected in our lives to one another. That's why I think that I'll miss everyone here, and the times we had at CBS (hopefully we stay in touch though!), but I also think, the best part of CBS is God's love, and we can take that wherever we go.

Poem by Annie J. Flint as heard on a clip of Ravi Zacharias on Ruth's blog

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

The Little Things

Song of Songs Chapter 2(ESV)
¹⁵Catch the foxes for us,
the little foxes

that spoil the vineyards,

for our vineyards are in blossom.

I think that the trap that we often fall into are those little traps--the little sins, or little acts of disobedience that feel like they don't really count. I've had quite a few experiences with that. I argue with God sometimes over some of the small things, or argue with the feeling of what I think God would want. I think it's reasonable for me to want to play basketball before the gym closes, I think it's reasonable if I just want to watch a drama for now instead of reading God's Word, I think it's reasonable to say to God that I've spent all day in Bible study so I ought to get to do stuff that I want to do instead of having to read this book and taking the effort to examine my heart or learn more about myself or take the trouble to grow.
The little things that I think I have the right to are the ones that are derailing my walk with God right now. It's not that it's wrong to play basketball or other things. But it's wrong when it takes us away from God. And if playing basketball becomes too much, and if it starts to drive time spent with God out, or becomes more important than it as expressed through my actions, then even something small like that needs to be submitted to God. Small sins can keep us from fellowshipping with God, and that's what makes them so deadly. Because we sometimes allow ourselves to slip on them because they're so small, but they can make us stumble in such a big way. That's why we need to be so diligent, because the little things can happen at any moment, and may happen the most when we're tired, or just feel like we deserve a break. I know that sometimes I want a break. Just a time here or there to let myself go. I mean, it's ok to relax, but I guess the moral of the story is that it's never okay to sin, no matter how small.
Of course, sin can't nullify Jesus's sacrifice for us, but it can entangle us. It can keep us from growing in God, and it can lead to further sins. For me, as soon as reading the Word and praying to God start to dwindle, everything else goes with it. All the things that I know God wants me to do--whether it be email people, keep in touch, or blog--go out the window. And even the stuff that I continue to do--go to Bible study, help with the kids--lose the meaning that they once had. The little things are so dangerous, that's all I think.

Drowning doesn't look like drowning

I got this article for my sister's Facebook.
"Drowning doesn't look like drowning"

http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/

The new captain jumped from the cockpit, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the ownerswho were swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine, what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not ten feet away, their nine-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”

How did this captain know, from fifty feet away, what the father couldn’t recognize from just ten? Drowning is not the violent, splashing, call for help that most people expect. The captain was trained to recognize drowning by experts and years of experience. The father, on the other hand, had learned what drowning looks like by watching television. If you spend time on or near the water (hint: that’s all of us) then you should make sure that you and your crew knows what to look for whenever people enter the water. Until she cried a tearful, “Daddy,” she hadn’t made a sound. As a former Coast Guard rescue swimmer, I wasn’t surprised at all by this story.Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing, and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for, is rarely seen in real life.

~~~

Lately, God has been challenging me to see people the way He sees them. I am often tempted to, in self-centered self-consciousness, be content with labeling people and moving on with my life.

"That person seems happy, put-together, and 'too cool' for me...they're fine. Whatever."

I feel as though if I do anything or say anything, I'll just look dumb/unsophisticated or come off as an oaf. So I move on without giving a second glance (like the priest/Levite in the good samaritan story?). In essence, I'm just thinking about me.

But God has been showing me that there are people in my life who are drowning. They are in desperate need of rescue. They're not okay. They need Jesus.

I as a human can't 'save' anyone, but am I willing to be part of what God is doing? Am I reacting like the parents in the story? A little annoyed, a little put off, a little agitated...'What are you doing! We're FINE!'?

God, help me see people the way you see them, because drowning doesn't look like drowning.